Adam Why?

  • Love Requires Variety, Which Arises With Mindfulness

    You can’t do one thing in the same way a hundred times and expect yourself or your partner to still feel loved through that act. Love requires variety in what you do, and/or how you do it. Doing something always the same way shows that you’re following some sort of schema and not pouring spirit into your love.

    This is why it’s important to act on love consciously, not mechanically. When you act consciously, you’re unbounded from following rigid schemas. Lively intelligence guides you towards doing things a bit differently each time.

    So play with love, express it zestfully and unboundedly. Infuse your acts of love with life, energy, consciousness! Making each one unique and vibrant. It’s these acts that are really felt by the other person.

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  • Nurture Love Consistently p.2

    How frequent should the nurturing of love be? It depends of course, but very likely: daily. You can’t act on the energy of love once a week/month and expect a warm, lively relationship with your partner or yourself.

    I think it’s more obvious when we’re talking about a relationship between two people. But what about when you’re single and the love you’re giving is to yourself? It’s much easier then to forget that a more frequent acting on the energy of love is necessary. Seriously, if you have both the experience of being in a relationship and then of being single later, think about how much you were acting on love in the relationship vs then afterwards when being by yourself. The contrast you might observe can be very big. The conclusion is that the amount of love you are giving to yourself when you’re single might not be enough, which can make you feel lonely and lacking, and make you think that you need another person to alleviate your lack of love.

    Remember that love can be nurtured through little gestures. It’s not just about the big things. Think about what small things you could be doing for yourself to express your love – e.g. writing loving sticky notes for yourself, having a comforting daily ritual, acting every day on what you want most but you’re resisting, smiling at yourself in the mirror every time you see yourself. Pay attention to what “works” (do you feel loved by the gesture?) and do these things out of love. (Not out of routine. It can’t be mechanical.)

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  • Dreams Come True (And That’s Love!)

    When you truly love somebody, you want to give them what they most deeply want. You want to support them in the realization of their dreams, in advancing on their unique path of life, thus leading them to happiness. This is what love is about.

    But this dynamic doesn’t just happen between two people. It also happens between you and your own energetic system. When you really want to change in some way and you send out your plea to the universe (by feeling into and surrendering it in the moment), your dream eventually starts coming true, through appropriate energy arising from within you. The energetic reality of you starts changing in accordance with what you wished for. And that newly arising energy IS LOVE! That’s what YOU WANTED, and that’s what YOU’RE GETTING!

    Dreams do come true. And it’s literally through love. Anytime motivation/energy arises in you to do something related to what you want in your life, you are BEING LOVED. 

    Note: Remember that embracing the current energetic reality of you is usually the prerequisite for it changing (post). This is why I said that you need to feel into your wish and surrender it in the moment, which means loving the reality without it. So in a way, when you SEND out love (for what’s the case now), you RECEIVE love back (through reality changing, energy arising from within you). You get what you give – which is beautiful and fair. Reality is truly the perfect teacher.

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  • Wisdom Is Relative to Life Conditions

    A person living in Somalian slums will develop a different wisdom (= internalized skillful manner of navigating life) from a person living in a rich neighbourhood in the US. If these people suddenly switched locations, both would have great difficulty in expertly adjusting to their new worlds and “gaming the system” there.

    Every person has a wisdom/system which was built up in response to their specific environment – society, family, friends they were surrounded with, events taking place in the world at that point in time. Isn’t that amazing? It’s like we’re clay that fits in to the shape of the mold we were in. Then you go to a different place, you leave your mold, but the shape largely remains.

    Everyone’s shapes have molds that influenced them, but usually we only see the person’s shape. If we knew the molds, we’d understand better.

  • Wish for Lightness, Not for Objects of Desire

    When you catch yourself wishing for “something you don’t have”, stop. You’re not accepting reality and you’re insisting on diving deeper into that state. You’re emanating with lack.

    Recognize this and switch gears – instead, shift to loving what’s here and now. If it’s difficult to enter this new state, wish to free yourself of this unacceptance and to love reality the way that it is. Wish to get this lack and suffering out of your system, wish to appreciate the beauty of what’s here, wish to surrender and be free from what you desire.

    Let go of what you think you lack (falsehood) for the sake of what’s your current reality – which is what you have (truth). Embracing what’s real is lightness.

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  • The Eclypse of the Heart Phenomenon

    At some point, an energetic decision can happen in you where you start to reject processing your feelings. You might get the sense that you’re tired of the endless things coming up from inside you. You might start hating that emotional part of you. You might feel just completely resistant and in opposition to yourself and this emotional reality, thinking that it’s a burden on you and that you’d be better off without it. I call it the Eclypse of the Heart phenomenon.

    It’s a dangerous place to be in. As it goes on, you will probably feel more and more hollow, stuck and meaningless, seeing life as this never-ending nightmare and constant suffering. After a while you might even want to kill yourself. And you could be stuck in it for weeks, months or even years, not realizing what has even gone wrong.

    At its source is a deep rejection of the energetic reality of yourself. A disconnection from what you are – splitting yourself off. The part you’re rejecting is the reality of you, and so what you end up with is being a hollow ghost without truth to yourself, feeling powerless against reality and life that you’re in opposition to.

    Look, I’ve been there, I know it can be really difficult. But don’t close yourself off to feeling. It’s not worth it. As Rumi once said: “I know you’re tired, but come, this is the way.”

    Open your heart to feeling once more. Accept things for what they are. Embrace the reality of you. And don’t give in to thoughts of rejection – have faith that working with what’s true about you will bring you to genuine happiness. Deeply at your core, wish for doing exactly that.

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  • Channel and Tell Yourself Uncomfortable Truths

    Part of being your own masculine counsel is channeling and telling yourself things that you don’t necessarily want to hear but you feel like you should. These are often uncomfortable truths that you’re resistant to even say out loud.

    Have the courage to say them. Take your personal red pills. It’s healthy for you.

    I think we often fear that an uncomfortable truth will invalidate everything we know, thus “killing” us (that’s how fear feels like). In my experience, such insights are usually half-truths which serve as counterbalance to that which you’re already embracing. You’ll be integrating them with the rest of your understanding that still has validity, and by taking them in, you get a fuller picture. It makes your mind more complete. So face your fear – you’re not going to “die”.

    But even supposing that a truth invalidated everything you know… Well, then all you “knew” wasn’t truth to begin with. So fuck it, kill it all with fire and don’t look back. Trust that you’ll be fine, because you really will be. You’ll be more alive than ever.

    Channel brutal personal truths and rejoice in accepting them. It’s the path to your mind’s integrity, health and wisdom.

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  • Godliness in Changing Between Positions of Listening vs Appealing

    Listening and appealing to yourself are two distinct positions from which you can support yourself. Can you be in each one?

    You are this multi-sided god with 1) the ability to switch your main current face to a different one in case of need, and 2) the wisdom/intuition to know which one is appropriate to switch to in a given circumstance. So depending on what you require – having your feelings released and listened to, or having your energy raised and sense spoken into you – swap your position/face.

    The many-sidedness of you is godliness. Be an intelligent, resourceful, self-healing god. Give yourself what you need.

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  • Supporting Through Listening vs Remedying

    Two main ways to support yourself/others are:

    1. Listening -> Intaking one’s energy; stooping to their level and connecting emotionally. When you connect AND show an accepting attitude (“It’s okay that you feel this way; I understand”), this helps the person to also accept and thus process the state/feelings.
    2. Remedying -> Outputting your energy; inspiring someone to get them to rise to a higher level. Showing them a different path – an energetic solution to reframing things and feeling lighter. More here.

    There’s the stereotype that when a woman talks about her problem, a man will jump in with solutions, making the woman feel unheard. There’s also the opposite stereotype of a man feeling bothered by something and keeping to himself trying to fix it, while his woman insists on getting him to talk about his feelings to her. In both stereotypes the parties are misunderstanding each other’s needs. In general, men prefer fixing their and others’ problems, while women want to connect and be connected with.

    In truth, you most likely need both ways of support. Develop an intuition for what type of support you need in the moment. Learn to give yourself each one in accordance with your needs – either by yourself or by contacting someone who will help you with it (a parent, friend, psychologist, etc.). Also, when helping another person, be sensitive to what type of support they need instead of just stupidly pushing your way. It’s a matter of sensitivity and balance, no matter if the support is for another or yourself.

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  • Be Your Own Masculine Counsel

    Learn to remedy your energy through appealing to yourself from a position of wisdom and lightness. It’s about being your personal counsel, motivational speaker, cheerleader and wise masculine support.

    Try doing this when you’re feeling confused and lost. Enter the position of masculine counsel with the intention to: help yourself out, tell yourself what you need to hear (even if it’s harsh), enter a positive outlook on things and motivate yourself for action. Don’t give up if nothing comes up at first – channel this energy until the right perspective and advice arrive. Then tell it to yourself, either through speaking or writing. Do it until you feel more at peace.

    The way I do it is: When I feel lost and in need of masculine grounding, I go for a walk in the wood, I start a voice memo and I begin talking to myself from this masculine counsel position. Sometimes it takes a while to refine the advice – through talking and thinking more along the way, it becomes more clear what I really need to hear and what outlook I want to have on things. I continue talking until I feel like I’m calmer, lighter and more positive.

    Don’t shy away from being for yourself what you need. If you don’t have masculine advice readily available from a different person, give it to your system by yourself. It’s admirable to be energetically self-sufficient. Whatever energy you need, you can learn to fill yourself up with it on your own.

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  • Have a Zest for Life

    Zest is the #1 thing that brings happiness into your existence. It’s being committed to and excited about the daily life, the things you’re doing. It’s infusing spirit and personal meaning into your activities. It’s embracing your path and the daily steps needed to walk it.

    I can’t stress enough how important it is. It’s also beautiful. It’s the attitude of someone who is really grateful for living, and pays that back by living fully. Isn’t it admirable? It’s the way of Spirit.

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  • Your Daily Choices Are an Adventure

    Every day is an exciting time. You’re making choices regarding what you’re acting upon, which affects your future life. Every good choice is one step forward, and you can usually make a few of them during the day.

    Making good choices is like playing this game of life well. And it’s exciting because YOU’RE the player – it’s completely interactive! And each good choice brings YOU a step closer towards something great. It’s amazing how you have the opportunity to energetically lift yourself up by the bootstraps. It rests upon you, and you have that power. It’s a blessing.

    “How you spend your days is how you spend your life.” When you treat your individual daily choices as an adventure, your whole life becomes one. :)

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  • Don’t Give In to Apathy

    Don’t let the voice (energy) in you saying “But what’s the point?” become more influential over voices/visions inspiring you to do something. Unless there’s something even more worthwhile worth doing (which does include simply being and enjoying Reality), you should move with the motivation that’s even faintly inspiring you.

    Don’t give in to thoughts of meaninglessness. An energy that’s making you rot away in bed or endlessly consume content is not worth listening to. Because compared to it, what’s the point of NOT doing something even slightly arousing you?

    Err on the side of doing something (compared to doing bullshit), even if it doesn’t immediately feel meaningful. Don’t be lazy. Summon your zest for life and get to action.

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  • Accept Reality and It Might Change

    Embracing the current reality is often a prerequisite for it to change for you. This is mostly regarding the inner reality of you – which determines what you do physically. You must accept the current long-term energetic state you’re in for it to change into something else.

    When you genuinely accept reality, you no longer want it to be different. You’re truly fine with what is. This state is precisely what enables inner reality to morph freely.

    If you REALLY want change, stop wanting it. Process it, cry it out if needed and become free of it. Surrender it to God. Admit that you don’t love Reality right now but you want to. Enter into the love.

    It’s key that you don’t go through this with the hidden intention still intact to change reality. You must REALLY let go of your unacceptance. Do it for love and the wish to be free and light. Free from your wanting, not from how reality is for you now.

    Radical acceptance is the key to profound change.

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  • People Couldn’t Have Acted Differently

    A person that hurt you couldn’t have acted differently from how they did. Because how they acted was truth/reality. And truth cannot be any different from what it is/was in the moment.

    There’s only one way in which Reality is unfolding. It’s what’s happening now. It’s Fate, always.

    Don’t count on people changing and stop resenting them for acting how they did in the past. It couldn’t have been otherwise. The path to your emotional freedom is to accept what is/was and stay in that love always.

    (This doesn’t mean you should excuse toxic behaviour. Your actions/feelings are Fate too, so if you decide to no longer be around someone, then that’s what it is.)

    “When you go out into the woods, and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. […] And you look at the tree and you allow it. […] You appreciate the tree. The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. […] And so I practice turning people into trees, which means appreciating them just the way they are.” – Ram Dass

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