Adam Why?

Tag: virtue-compassion (6)

  • Supporting Through Listening vs Remedying

    Two main ways to support yourself/others are:

    1. Listening -> Intaking one’s energy; stooping to their level and connecting emotionally. When you connect AND show an accepting attitude (“It’s okay that you feel this way; I understand”), this helps the person to also accept and thus process the state/feelings.
    2. Remedying -> Outputting your energy; inspiring someone to get them to rise to a higher level. Showing them a different path – an energetic solution to reframing things and feeling lighter. More here.

    There’s the stereotype that when a woman talks about her problem, a man will jump in with solutions, making the woman feel unheard. There’s also the opposite stereotype of a man feeling bothered by something and keeping to himself trying to fix it, while his woman insists on getting him to talk about his feelings to her. In both stereotypes the parties are misunderstanding each other’s needs. In general, men prefer fixing their and others’ problems, while women want to connect and be connected with.

    In truth, you most likely need both ways of support. Develop an intuition for what type of support you need in the moment. Learn to give yourself each one in accordance with your needs – either by yourself or by contacting someone who will help you with it (a parent, friend, psychologist, etc.). Also, when helping another person, be sensitive to what type of support they need instead of just stupidly pushing your way. It’s a matter of sensitivity and balance, no matter if the support is for another or yourself.

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  • Be Your Own Masculine Counsel

    Learn to remedy your energy through appealing to yourself from a position of wisdom and lightness. It’s about being your personal counsel, motivational speaker, cheerleader and wise masculine support.

    Try doing this when you’re feeling confused and lost. Enter the position of masculine counsel with the intention to: help yourself out, tell yourself what you need to hear (even if it’s harsh), enter a positive outlook on things and motivate yourself for action. Don’t give up if nothing comes up at first – channel this energy until the right perspective and advice arrive. Then tell it to yourself, either through speaking or writing. Do it until you feel more at peace.

    The way I do it is: When I feel lost and in need of masculine grounding, I go for a walk in the wood, I start a voice memo and I begin talking to myself from this masculine counsel position. Sometimes it takes a while to refine the advice – through talking and thinking more along the way, it becomes more clear what I really need to hear and what outlook I want to have on things. I continue talking until I feel like I’m calmer, lighter and more positive.

    Don’t shy away from being for yourself what you need. If you don’t have masculine advice readily available from a different person, give it to your system by yourself. It’s admirable to be energetically self-sufficient. Whatever energy you need, you can learn to fill yourself up with it on your own.

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  • People Couldn’t Have Acted Differently

    A person that hurt you couldn’t have acted differently from how they did. Because how they acted was truth/reality. And truth cannot be any different from what it is/was in the moment.

    There’s only one way in which Reality is unfolding. It’s what’s happening now. It’s Fate, always.

    Don’t count on people changing and stop resenting them for acting how they did in the past. It couldn’t have been otherwise. The path to your emotional freedom is to accept what is/was and stay in that love always.

    (This doesn’t mean you should excuse toxic behaviour. Your actions/feelings are Fate too, so if you decide to no longer be around someone, then that’s what it is.)

    “When you go out into the woods, and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. […] And you look at the tree and you allow it. […] You appreciate the tree. The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. […] And so I practice turning people into trees, which means appreciating them just the way they are.” – Ram Dass

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  • Be the Presence to People’s Loneliness

    A lot of people feel lonely inside. Even if they don’t look like it. They might even be surrounded by many people and still feel it.

    Make sure that you’re alleviating a person’s loneliness through loving attention when you’re meeting them. It’s compassion. It’s what Love does.

    Assume that a person feels lonely until proven otherwise. Seriously. Loneliness is not an exception, it’s usually the norm.

    The best way to teach yourself being Love is through being there for yourself first. You will then be Love for others too. (I think the skill transfers less the other way around. Loving yourself is usually less intuitive.)

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  • If You’re Lonely, Be There for Yourself

    Feeling lonely stems from a lack of loving attention on yourself. Other people can relieve that by giving you their attention, but you can also do it by yourself.

    The key insight is that all attention is the same. It doesn’t matter if it comes from you or someone else. All attention is identical in it’s nature – so get rid of the notion that only other people can help you with loneliness.

    Learn to give yourself loving attention. Listen to yourself. Give yourself space to express your feelings. Do what makes you genuinely feel loved.

    Be there for yourself and for others. Also, let others be there for you when they offer it.

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  • Forgive Yourself for Delusionality

    Notice your delusionality. How you start thinking that things will go a certain way. How you force yourself into things because you’re just sure that it’s what you want now. How you become engrossed in the narratives you spin.

    Bring that to awareness again and again. You’re constantly delusional and you can’t seem to change it. It must be frustrating. Cry it out if you feel like it.

    There comes a point when you stop judging it though. You understand it in yourself and feel compassion for others who are like it. 

    If you made mistakes from delusion, have mercy on yourself and let the regret go. It couldn’t have happened differently. There’s nothing to do but learn from it and surrender it.

    Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for poor choices. Forgive yourself for delusionality.

    In truth, all your choices were loved. Because they happened. And Reality is Love.

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