In the ultimate sense, whatever arises in your consciousness is what you Love.
When you think about something often, or even a slight bit, that is a sliver of Love. Even if it’s something “negative”! Because ultimately any connection to anything else is Love in it’s nature.
Your life is ALWAYS about what you Love, even if it feels like hell and suffering. You might simply not be aware that 1) you Love exactly this pain, or 2) you Love something you’ll discover beyond the veil of negativity after you go through the full journey. Both might be the case. Your Love knows no bounds.